For decades, women have been told that the path to leadership is simply a matter of gaining the right experience, education, and credentials. Yet the data tells a different story. Even today, women remain dramatically underrepresented in executive leadership and boardrooms. As Katty Kay and Claire Shipman write in The Confidence Gap, “Half a century since women first forced open the boardroom doors, our career trajectories still look very different from men’s.”
External barriers certainly exist. But one of the most powerful obstacles many women face is internal: the quiet, persistent voice of self-doubt.
In my coaching work, I often refer to these voices as saboteurs—the internal narratives that cause us to question our abilities, shrink from opportunity, or hesitate when we should be stepping forward.
Research consistently shows that men and women assess themselves very differently. Studies have found that women often apply for promotions only when they meet 100 percent of the qualifications, while men will apply when they meet roughly 50 percent. Yet when performance is measured objectively, the quality of their work does not significantly differ.
The difference is confidence.
Psychologist Cameron Anderson of the University of California, Berkeley, has studied the role of confidence in leadership. His research shows that confidence often influences how others perceive competence. When people believe they are capable, they communicate it through their words, posture, and presence. Others respond accordingly.
When we doubt ourselves, we unintentionally signal uncertainty.
For many women, this shows up in subtle ways: apologizing excessively, softening opinions, agreeing to maintain harmony, or hesitating to take credit for accomplishments. We are often conditioned to prioritize likability and consensus. Assertiveness in men is admired; in women, it can still be judged differently.
Over time, these patterns can quietly limit how others see our leadership potential—and how we see it ourselves.
But saboteurs are not permanent. They are learned patterns, and like all patterns, they can be changed.
The first step is awareness. Recognize the moments when self-doubt is speaking louder than your experience or expertise. Notice when hesitation is driven not by lack of readiness, but by fear of judgment.
The second step is action.
Confidence is not something we wait to feel before we move forward. In reality, confidence is often the result of action, not the prerequisite for it.
At the Massachusetts Conference for Women, Academy Award-winning actress Lupita Nyong’o shared a powerful piece of advice: “Go for it and always allow failure to be an option.”
That insight captures an important truth. Growth requires risk. Progress requires movement. And confidence grows each time we step forward despite uncertainty.
The most effective leaders I work with do not eliminate doubt entirely. They simply refuse to let it make their decisions.
The saboteurs may never disappear completely. But they lose their power when we choose action over hesitation.
And as every leader eventually discovers, nothing builds confidence like success earned through courage.
